Dorm room sex is one part amazing, one part…slightly complicated. You’ll be dealing with factors like roommates (including the presence of their posters that pass for “art”) and beds that are, quite frankly, too small for one person. And in your tiny room, you could have both some of the best orgasms of your life and some of your most dramatic sobbing sessions.
Clearly, you’re gonna need a plan, and that plan starts with having all the essentials on hand. Pack a sex bag, advises Chelsea Downs, co-founder of New York Toy Collective, a sex positive toy company specializing in gender affirmation gear.
Into the sex bag goes:
- Lube: “Have limited ingredient, water-based lube. Some people have sensitivity to ingredients, so always have a few options,” says Downs.
- Barriers: “You’ll want to have lots of condoms,” says Downs. “You’ll need a new condom for each toy and each hole and each person. Always have more than you need and change them liberally on toys. Get them for free at the student health center or at your local drug store.”
- Toys: “What you like might not be the same as your partner, so choices are your friend,” says Downs. “Here is an unwritten rule that will change your life: the bottom or receiver always picks the toy. As a top, trust me when I say that this is best for everyone. You want your partner to be excited and into it.” (Here are some cheap and discrete options.)
- Snacks: You know, to avoid having to “walk into a communal kitchen” post-sex, advises Downs.
Then, make a plan: “If you are just there for the sex and not for the night, have an exit plan that you can verbalize, like a place you need to be at a certain time or plans at a different location ” says Downs. “If you want to have sex again, say so and offer a day and time for another rendezvous.”
Listen, sex in a dorm room is a best of times, worst of times situation. It can be awkward, rushed, and/or hot AF. On team awkward/rushed: There’s the whole roommates issue (psssst!: 7 Super Stealthy Positions If You Have Roommates), plus there are thin walls, loud people walking by your door 24/7, and the design aesthetic of every dorm room ever is “sturdy.” (see also: The 14 Worst Things About Having Sex in a Dorm.)
BUT you will also have some of the best sex of your life within those cinder block walls. Sex in college seems super real and passionate. (Warning: there may or may not be actual poetry.) You ~finally~ have the freedom to do as you damn well please. And you’re experimenting, as is your college-given right. Some of what you try you’ll keep, some you definitely will not: 17 Sex Things You Do in College That You Never Have to Do Again.
If you want to be an extra good student, prep beforehand with these: If you’re going away for the first time, have a look at 14 Things I Knew About Sex Before I Went to College (especially #3). Make your space more sexy or at least more habitable with 29 College Dorm Room Must-Haves That’ll Make Your First Semester Easy Peasy. And stock up on these 7 Cheap and Discreet Sex Toys Perfect for College.
Read on if you want to learn how to make the most of your new dorm space, and here’s hoping some of the best sexual experiences of your life happens despite those Twin XL beds — it’s possible! Study up, my friends.
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The Bottom Bunk Advantage
Squat over your partner, hang onto the edge of your roommate’s top bunk (something they don’t need to know) and you’ll have excellent leverage for riding a partner’s penis or strap-on. Have your partner rub your clit or use a vibe on you or be fancy and use a couples’ vibe.
Shop Now We-Vibe’s Match Couples Vibrator, $139, AdamEve.com
The Quiet Place
Sometimes you need to fire up a toy, thin walls be damned. Climb under a blanket (for muffling sound!) to kiss and cuddle and activate your favorite toys on each other. Penises might like masturbation sleeves (inherently quiet unless they cause too much moaning), and for vulvas, try one of these extra-quiet toys.
Shop Now: Tenga Flex Masturbation Sleeve, $44.99, GoodVibes.com
The Quiet Place 2
Alert roommate to stay TF out and lock the door. Sit down. Get back up and check again that the door is locked. Sit on two of those sturdy-ass standard issue desk chairs facing each other with your legs draped over theirs. Masturbate while watching each other and whispering filthy things to each other while trying to remain very, very quiet. Give it an edge by trying it when the hall is super crowded.
The Top Bunk Toss
If you’re up in a loft or top bunk with barely any vertical space, you need to go low. Lie flat on your belly while your partner penetrates from behind (either hole, it’s all good.) Put a super quiet toy or hand under your hips and grind against it with each thrust.
Shop Now Whisper Quiet Classic Vibrator, $25, Lovehoney.com
The Blanket Excuse
Yes, you put the secret “We bonin’” signal on the door, but if you’re still paranoid about someone walking in and seeing you and your partner in your Special Moment, add a blanket to the mix. Snuggle up under a blanket on the bed (or couch if you’re fancy), unzip and lube up for mutual handjobs. If roomie walks in on you, there’s plausible deniability and everyone can pretend it didn’t happen.
Shop Now Wicked Aqua Water Based Lube, $13, AdamEve.com
There will be much spooning in that narrow little bed of yours. Spooning minimizes bed squeakery, adapts to twin/bunk/futon beds and it’s decently stealth (If roomie suddenly pops in—Seriously? Again??–pretend to be asleep. See also: plausible deniability.) Press a suction toy against your clit for quiet (at least on the toy’s part) orgasms.
Shop Now Sona, $69, Lelo.com
Mini Fridge Mambo
Have him sit his ass atop the mini-fridge. (Put a towel down first because it is cold, plus butt on fridge = yuck.) Back yourself onto his lap, giving him an eyeful of your glorious butt as you lower yourself onto him. Ride him via a combination of pure thigh-strength and his hands guiding your hips. Or, you can grab a sturdy chair (see below) to put your hands on for leverage. Yum.
College furniture is pretty ugly but, damn, that stuff is sturdy. Grab that standard issue chair and lean over it, holding on to the back. Bend your knee and prop one foot up on the seat. Have him come in from the rear—either entry point is fine, you’re in college, experiment. If you decide to go for the rear-rear door (go slow and use a shit-load of lube, so to speak), that good ol’ sturdy chair will give you something to grab onto when/if you need it.
Twin Bed Tryst
Extra skinny twin beds present a unique problem: tons of vertical space, not so much space for rolling around. Go tall with a standing dog/downward dog mashup. Get in downward dog, with your legs spread wider than your yoga instructor would approve. He’ll come in from behind, doing a reach-around for you if he’s a keeper. If you don’t want anyone bearing witness to your unholy yoga, don’t forget to alert your roommate with your prearranged secret “don’t come in, we’re fucking” signal: a sock on the doorknob, a cryptic symbol on your door’s white board, etc…
Loft in Space
Bunk beds: shitty to sleep in, but full of creative sex solutions. Have your partner stand behind you and enter from behind. Normally standing positions can throw people off balance, but using the frame of the bed to brace yourselves, you’ll have a slip-free sex sesh without trying to pretend fitting two bodies on a twin bed is comfortable. Bonus: when you get tired, you can rest your head on the top bunk. Sorry, roomie.
If the constant sound of a bunch of drunk people walking through the hall kills the mood, put on some music loud enough to muffle your sounds but not loud enough to annoy that complain-y person down the hall. Lie flat on the desk, face down with your legs spread. He’ll stand, and enter from behind. If you have a loud-ass vibe that you love, now is the time you can (finally!) fire it up. If he’s especially gifted, he can switch between his thrusts and pressing the vibe against you, at which point you may need to turn the music up even louder.
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