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We ranked iOS 14.7 features by how useful they’d be in space

Apple released its latest iPhone update this week: iOS 14.7. But you know what also happened? Jeff Bezos (AKA dollar store Lex Luther) went into space.

You may think these two things are completely unrelated and, on one hand, you could well be right. On the other, I’ve literally just connected them, proving you irrefutably wrong for all time from this very moment.

Now, I could easily sit here and rank all the new iOS 14.7 features by how much I “like” or “dislike” them, but that’d be the coward’s way out. I’ll save that for next time. Or when I’m hungover.

My mission, nay, calling, is to deliver you the content you’ve been craving like Bezos does piss bottles: judging iOS 14.7 features by how useful they’d be in space.

We’re going to do that with a countdown. Moving from the least useful iOS 14.7 in space, to the most. Strap in, space buds.

5) The least useful iOS 14.7 feature in space: The air quality feature in the Weather app expanding to more countries

Thing is, right, the thing about space, yeah, is that, in outer space, there’s no air, yeah?

4) The ability to merge Apple Cards into a single account

If I’m in space, I know I’ll be making some moonshine up there. That means the next day I’ll be looking to shame order some fast food for breakfast.

Unfortunately space doesn’t have that option. Merging payments cards is useless to me.

But I’m putting this above the iOS 14.7 air quality roll out because you know Bezos will start shipping stuff to space as soon as he can loosen employment laws up there. Gotta put those aliens to work.

3) Support for the MagSafe battery pack